03/20/2016 - 01/19/2019
CJ was born March 20, 2016 and left his earthly body on January 19, 2019. He was our only son. He taught me how special it was to be a "boy mom". He loved tractors, dirt and playing with his two older sisters. He loved my best attempt at Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes and always carried around his little Mickey stuffed animal. His energy was absolutely magnetic and bright. In the short years we had with him, he impacted our lives so much and he is missed beyond measure.
When you lose a child there are many “things” that people say, and many times there really isn’t anything that needs to be said. Sometimes silence is more comforting. Unfortunately, I think silence is uncomfortable for most people, and especially where such severe grief and rawness of emotions are so present.
The shredded heart and emptiness that swallows you when you lose a child is something that can only be understood by those who have firsthand account of the pain and suffering. With such tremendous loss, there is also a loss of self and purpose. Before and after my loss, I was so focused on being a good mother. As the youngest of three, and my only son, my son CJ was shown so much love. So much of the love that we show physically is in the form of touch, and more specifically hugs and snuggles. To this very day, I would give anything in this world to be able to hug and snuggle my baby again. To be able to smell his scent, run my fingers through his hair…
When Acts for Adalyn sends a bunny to moms, it isn’t just a stuffed animal. CJ Bunny, and the other bunnies, provide comfort, healing, and an outlet for grief. When we hug our bunnies we can remember those sweet snuggles that we miss so much. Our bunnies can represent a piece of our heart that we can no longer see and feel. They are a tangible special item that is there for you when you can’t sleep, and when you are struggling. They will catch your tears and listen in silence. They also represent connection. A very special connection to other mothers who are going through the same process. Bunnies offer a way to talk about our children, and to share bunny adventures that our kids are no longer present for.