Sawyer

Sawyer Matthew Kanofsky, born on July 28th 2019. The sweet boy that made me a mama after a long heart breaking road of struggling with infertility and IVF. He was my angel on earth, the light of our lives. Sawyer had the most infectious personality with his array of facial expressions, unique giggles and smiles that could light up a room. He loved people, his family and his puppy Dexter. Snuggling with mama was his favorite of all though. I always felt so lucky that even as we approached toddlerhood he still snuggled right up into me since the day he was born. The sweetest, most gentle soul I’ve ever known.

On January 20th of 2021, at nearly 18 months, Sawyer was taken from us in a tragic choking incident at his new daycare. Our world was completely shattered, our hearts broken beyond repair. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We’re not supposed to go on loving life with our Sawyer in it. The pain is unbearable and world feels less bright without our sweet boy, everything feels wrong. We cling so much tighter to our faith because it is the only way we can find comfort in knowing that Sawyer is happy in heaven and we will get to hold him in our arms again one beautiful day.

In the days and weeks after Sawyer left us, I just searched and searched for someone, anyone who could relate to an ounce of pain I was feeling. I found a lot of support for pregnancy and infant loss mama’s, but toddler loss was hardly found. Somehow I eventually came across Acts for Adalyn. I scrolled the page and read Adalyn’s story with tears streaming down my face. She was nearly the same age my Sawyer, gone too fast, too soon. Not fair. When Shannon reached out to me, we spoke on the phone for over an hour. As soon as I heard her speak, I could hear the same pain I had been feeling in her voice. She knew exactly what I was feeling. After the initial phone call, Shannon continued and still continues to check in with me, text, let me know she praying for me, anything. She made me feel less alone. A few weeks later my Acts for Adalyn bunny arrived in the mail and I was amazed. It was a gift I didn’t know I needed. Finally being able to hold a piece of my sweet boy again was strangely comforting. Acts for Adalyn has not only been a comfort to me but an incredible inspiration. I have hope knowing that I can continue keeping Sawyers light shining through me, just like Shannon does for Adalyn.